A new attraction has been added to the Marton office: indoor waterfalls, in which rivulets of water run down some of the pillars. Brightly coloured plastic buckets have now been added to collect a small proportion of the liquid. The only drawback with the system is that it relies on natural rainfall, so is unpredictable.
The waterfalls were introduced on an experimental basis, and have been shut off at the time of writing.
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Where's the Champagne? (April 1983)
Buckets have also appeared in the corridor between the Computer Block and the Tower Block. In February these buckets were observed to contain ice, which means that someone has been throwing parties without inviting me.
If anyone knows who is responsible for such anti-social behaviour, please let me know.
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Parking Problem Solved. (May 1983)
It is becoming increasingly obvious that there are too few parking spaces on the Marton site, with cars parked untidily on the site roads and some delinquents receiving threatening phone calls for parking in the visitors car park.
The government has promised to help out, not by the unimaginitive option of building more parking spaces, but by making sure that all future pay rises are so low that fewer and fewer Civil Servants will be able to run cars.
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Shock Horror. (May 1983)
The Marton Office resembles the Fun House in more ways than one: I keep receiving painful electric shocks from the metal handrails by the stairs. It appears that static builds up from the friction between nylon clothing and the nylon seat covers. The bannisters earth me or anyone else who touches them.
Congratulations to whoever decided to build metal handrails into the Marton Office.
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You Can Tell I'm Sincere by This. (May 1983)
The GTN Dialling Code Book contains some interesting advice, including, "Keep a smile in your voice".
Very few of us can afford to attend the Derek Batey School of Sincerity or the Terry Wogan Affability College, and there are no official plans to sponsor students. Untrained speakers will continue to answer the phone, and smiles in their voices are likely to lead to reactions like, "What are you simpering at?" or "Did I call at a bad moment?"
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