In the Good Old Days, pens were pens and had "Government Property" written on the side. There followed a time when anonymous but still useful pens were supplied, then came the Age of the Inky Fingers, from which we have just emerged, thank goodness.
Somebody must have bought several million disreputable blot-facilitators thinking they were getting a bargain, but what they got was staff throwing them away by the thousand and going off sick with ink poisoning.
The disappearance of huge numbers of pens must have made management suspect that some employees were supplementing their meagre incomes by setting up as stationery wholesalers, because now you need to hand in a dead pen before you can receive a new one. You're in trouble if you lose a pen. I've heard of a circular which states that anyone who does so will have to write an application for a new one in their own blood.
But at least the disgustingly substandard pens have disappeared. Now we're supplied with transparent ones which do the job they are supposed to. There's an added bonus if you sit in direct sunlight: you can make your own rainbows.
*****
It Makes Snow Difference. (February 1983)
By our Motoring Correspondent.
In the early hours of 10th February it snowed in Lytham St Annes. People travelling to the Marton site were delayed on Queensway due to the conditions caused by the weather. These people were credited with the time they would have arrived had it not been for the delay.
It also snowed in Cleveleys that morning and a colleague who usually travels to work by motor bike phoned to say that due to the weather his bike would not start and he had to catch the bus. Two bus rides later he arrived at the office at 10.15am. Was he also credited with the time he would have normally arrived? No. Just forty minutes. I've told him to buy a car and move to St Annes before next winter.
*****
Newshound Savaged by Enraged Matrons. (May 1983)
One of my news staff was recruited to deliver CPSA Section and National election addresses because the usual block reps around where he worked were on trade union business. Two of the members separately took the chance to tell him off for a) not bringing the addresses roung quickly enough, leaving the member only most of Friday afternoon, the entire weekend and part of Monday morning to read them, and b) for bringing them round at all, and so wasting valuable paper.
The second attitude is the most dangerous, because it reflects the anti-democratic philosophy of some members, who would rather not be bothered with taking decisions which directly affect the way their standards of living and conditions of service are negotiated.
Be kind to your block reps. Bring them genuine complaints and let them know when you think they are falling below the standards of efficiency we would expect, but don't hassle them about eht costs of democracy.
*****
You Too Can Be a Celebrity. (Xmas 1983)
In some part of the Marton Office nobody wants to be a CPSA representative. This means that the huge number of Branch Executive Committee members in DCB have been filling in the gap.
They can't do as good a job as someone from the area, who would be more realily available than an itenerant DCB person.
When you see a stranger delivering "Red Tape" and tell him or her, "the Interoceter File is going to be amalgamated under the new disposable recycling shifter, and half the CA's will be out of a job", you will be greeted by incomprehension. Your CPSA representative will have to be made to understand what the problem is, then pass the information to the CPSA Branch Officers, who may also have to be educated about the nature of specialised problems. Better a direct line between a represenative who is directly involved and the Union Room.
Facility time is allowed for representatives, so you don't have to use your own time on union business. The monotony of the day can be broken up by doing something different. Get to know more people. Be a better all-round person. No more sand kicked in your face.
Contact Neal Brookes... when you decide that being a CPSA representative is the life for you.
*****
Non-Members' Noticeboard. (Xmas 1983)
I was shocked to find out than one of the entries in a previous competition was sent in by a non-member of CPSA.
This invaluable publication is intended for CPSA members, so if you're a non-member you shouldn't even be reading it, let alone entering competitions. (This no longer applies, R. M.)
If you belong to the grades covered by CPSA and are not a member, ask your block representative for a membership application form or contact the Branch Organiser...
Enjoy Marton Harry's Column with a clear conscience.
*****
Advertising Campaign Succeeds. (Novermber 1984)
The campaign by Sellotape PLC suggesting various uses for their product has been heeded by the section responsible for the electrical system at Marton.
This explains the occasional power cut we've had recently.
Get well soon, lads.
*****
CISCO Success. (November 1984)
The recent Italian day in the canteen was such a success that several members of staff were taken for a ride and never seen again.
Members of staff who were fitted with concrete boots and dropped in the ponds at Marton were more fortunate because of the shallowness of the water.
*****
Bad News. (May 1985)
On Breakfast Time on 21st March there were two disturbing items. The first was Lady Mosley, widow of Sir Oswald Mosley, plugging her autobiography. In case you've forgotten, Mosley was the leader of the British Union of Fascists and tried very hard to become Britain's own Hitler. His widow was treated sympathetically, passed off her husband's activities as "politics" without mentioning where the blackshirted thugs and Jew baiting came in, and gained free publicity for her bletherings.
That was followed by a government minister, Tom King, who said that wages councils should be scrapped and that the economy would be helped by the removal of the protection from the lowest paid. He made no sensible reply to the remark that increasing numbers of unscrupulous employers will pay starvation wages to those made desperate enough to work for them.
Nobody asked Tom King how much his income was or why the wealth of this country should be steadily funnelled from the poor to the rich.
We managed to avoid a fascist dictatorship fifty years ago. What are we stumbling into now?
*****
Riddle. (July 1985)
Question: How do you tell when the Staff Inspectors have been in a branch?
Answer: Three months later, everyone's doing overtime.
*****
Spot the Vampire. (July 1985)
It's that time of year when we can all paly Spot the Vampire. As soon as the sun starts to shine, vampires get up and draw the blinds.
When you play Spot the Vampire, a crucifix and some wooden stakes will be useful, but please have nothing to do with garlic.
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