Interesting

Interesting Fact File 1. (November 1982)

For an hour or so one morning in September, Level 5 at Marton was one of the few places in the world where you could give blood and watch "Sesame Street" at the same time.

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Interesting Fact File 2 is missing, along with the issue of Insight in which it appeared.

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Interesting Fact File 3.(February 1983)

This was a joke about President Reagan, which I have decided to omit because it is no longer funny.

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Interesting Fact File 4. (April 1983)

When Winston Churchill (not the current MP for Stretford, but his grandfather, who is currently masquerading as Margaret Thatcher) said that he had nothing to offer but blood, sweat and tears, my grandfather remarked that the mixture would be an improvement on the tea, which was on ration and of generally poor quality at the time.

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Interesting Fact File 5. (September 1983)

Rather untopically, I have just discovered that the Latin motto round the new one pound coin means, "This is worth even less than it looks".

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Interesting Fact File 6 (November 1983)

Anyone who talks about a divorcee's dead former partner and says "late ex-husband" is likely to be laughed at because the phrase sounds like "latex husband".

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Interesting Fact File 7. (Xmas 1983, from the Festive Yuletide Column covered in holly, mistletoe, paper streamers, tinsel, balloons, paper bells and paper balls.)

The Chairman of British Nuclear Fuels, who was on television recently defending the need to fill the Irish Sea with radioactive chemicals and claiming that this wouldn't give us all cancer, is called CON ALLDAY.

On my oath I swear this is true and I'm not making it up.

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Interesting Fact File 8. (April 1984)

The Serbo-Croat word for beer is "pivo", pronounced, "peevoh". Most Serbs and Croats drink wine.

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Interesting Fact File 9. (April 1984)

In recognition of its subjugation to a major foreign power and its suppression of trade unions, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is to be renamed "Poland".

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Interesting Fact File 10. (April 1984)

Because of the success of gender benders such as Boy George, the American crooner Lionel Richie is to change his image. In future he is to be known as Lionel Bitchie.

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Standard Yugoslavian Jokes 1. (September 1984)

All couriers on Yugoslavian coaches going along hair-raising mountain roads say, "If you are frightened, close your eyes. The driver always does".

This raises a smile from us seasoned international travellers and scares the hell out of the more literal-minded passengers and those of a nervous disposition.

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Standard Yugoslavian Jokes 2. (September 1984)

Brandy is the Yugoslavian national drink.

All Yugoslavian couriers and hotel representatives say, "Have a brandy first thing in the morning; it makes the day funny. Have a brandy last thing at night; it helps you sleep."

Yugoslavian couriers and hotel representatives are extremely inefficient because of their alcoholism and because they find the day funny.

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Interesting Fact File 11. (September 1984)

The really cool thing to do at the moment is to buy a Porsche and put a sticker in the back window saying, "My other car's a clapped out old banger".

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Interesting Fact File 12. (November 1984)

The newest term of abuse among teenagers is "tunicate", as in, "keep your hands to yourself, tunicate".

A tunicate is an animal consisting largely of jelly encasing a gut.

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Standard Yugoslavian Jokes 3. (February 1985)

A popular white wine in Yugoslavia is called "Debit".

While I was in Yugoslavia, the Debit went into me, but when I came back to work, I went into Debit.

The above seemed quite funny when I made it up after drinking half a bottle of Debit.

It seemed hilarious after I finished off the rest of the bottle, but now I'm not so sure.

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Interesting Fact File 13. (May 1985)

George Harrison now looks like Peter Cushing.

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More Interesting Facts are available on the Regulars page on Marton Harry, Part 3.

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(Marton Harry's Column was first published online on three Freeserve sites because of the limited space on each site. Freeserve was taken over by Wanadoo, which was then taken over by Orange. So Orange recently decided to delete all the old Freeserve sites. I have been able to recover Marton Harry Parts 1 and 3, but not Part 2. All I get when I try is Orange's insane website builder page.

Thanks, Orange. I hate you.)